Tuesday, 20 July 2010

10 things you didn't know you could do with chocolate

1. Wear it.

This picture is from the 14th Salon du Chocolat (Paris Chocolate Show) in Paris in 2008. Everything that was worn was either made with or layered with chocolate, and featured many famous French models who wore fashions 'from today and the past' (or from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?). Good thing they're models, I suppose.

2. Use it as fake blood.

In Alfred Hitchcock's 1960 movie, 'Physcho', chocolate syrup was used to simulate blood in the shower scene. Yum.

3. Get high (or pretend to).

Some chocolate contains anandamide-related lipids, which act as cannabinoid mimics and can cause a positive drugs test. Thing is, you would have to eat 11kg of chocolate before you actually did get high. You'd probably explode first.

4. Seduce someone.

Chocolate is an aphrodisiac due to having high levels of phenylethylamine and serotonin, which produces the same feeling you get when doing the dirty. It's been scientifically proven! The king of the Aztec's (whom amongst the Mayans, were the first to harvest cocoa), Montezuma, apparently had a reputation for being a bit of a goer. So may I innocently suggest a three course meal of:

Starter: Chocolate soup
Main: Chicken mole with chocolate shavings
Dessert: Chocolate and nougat mousse
Finish with mocha coffee and chocolate macaroons

(No kidding, these are all in my G &B's cookbook).

5. Replace your blusher with it.

I came across this video on YouTube claiming that hot chocolate powder can be used for "kissable cheeks", so I decided to try it out. Not having hot chocolate powder at home, and not being prepared to buy some solely for the purpose of slopping it on my face, I used cocoa powder instead. And not wanting to get my blusher brush dirty, I just smeared it on with my fingers.

All I can say is LOL. I looked like I was wearing warpaint. And 3 hours later everytime I turn my head I get this nauseating chocolate smell wafting up my nose, which, like I said, is nauseating. Had I followed her instructions, it would have probably gone okay, and I could have worn it to go out tomorrow. But I think I'll just stick to Maybelline. Try for yourselves!

6. Write your life story.

Once upon a time, I decided to buy some 99% cocoa chocolate, just because I wanted to know what it tasted like. It wasn't very nice. HOWEVER, I did manage to find an alternate use for it.

(Photographed using 70% due to none 99% readily avaliable - but if this is what you can do with 70% imagine the novel that will flow when you use 99%!)

Ditch your biros, highlighters and fountain pens; chocolate is where it's AT.

7. Pimp your ride.

Need I say more?

8. Kill a dog (not recommended)

Theobromine found in chocolate is a stimulatant, and can be too much for small animals, thus sending them to the grave one howl at a time.

9. Make soap.

The potash from the cacao pud husk is mostly used for making soap (or as fertiliser). The husk, when fresh, is left in the open to dry out for a few wekks, then incinerated in an ashing kiln. So all you need to do is find a cacao tree, build a plantation, et voila! You'll be busting out soaps faster than Brad Pitt can say 'Fight Club'.

10. Cure the common cold.

Just kidding.

Lesson learned today: next time I'm stuck for what to wear, just sew together a couple of bars of galaxy. Also, chocolate does not cure the common cold, no matter what google says.


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